Let's go on a Date!
This is the most recent pic. If you were here for the viking hair, you should know I cut it all off!
Welcome!
If you're reading this doc, chances are you know me vaguely, or were given it by a friend. Chances are that you, like me, are looking for a partner. I am 35, and I am at a place in my life where a lot of things feel more or less figured out. My work is meaningful, I have good friends, and I've told my parents everything they did wrong and forgiven them for all of it. I have many things that bring me joy: surfing, writing, meditation, gardening, cooking for friends, creative projects, and being in nature. I'm not as much into festivals and parties as I used to be. (the last time I went to burning man was 2019 and I couldn't really care less whether or not I go again) I am by nature adventurous, but I'm interested in the longer-term adventure of building a life and family with someone I love.
I've had a couple of long relationships, and fallen in love a handful of times. I know my heart works, and I know yours does too. But for some cause, legible or not, we find ourselves single. Thank you for taking the time to read this bottle tossed into the digital ocean! If it doesn't appeal to you, drop it or pass it on. But if you're curious, and want to explore if we might be a good fit, then reach out!
Stats and Facts
What am I like?
And who am I looking for?
Sometimes fancy
Frequently upside-down
Being a dork with my friendsIn an earlier draft of this document, I wrote a whole lot in this section. Now, I think describing a person with a poster is mostly impossible. You'll just have to get to know me and see if we vibe! People usually tell me I'm very unique. An ex told me that I'm "a weirdo who wants normal things". I also get told I'm wholesome, energetic, competent, nerdy, and warm. I used to be really into personality tests. Here's what they say about me:
- Enneagram 7
- ENTP
- Elemental Energy: Air, Water, and a bit of Fire. (Earth or Fire energy in my partner feels attractive and balancing to me!)
- D&D Archetype: Somewhere between a Wizard and a Monk
- Virgo/Libra cusp - I don't do astrology and I don't really know what it means, but people tell me it fits. If you're into astrology, maybe you can tell me.
I love reading, thinking, writing, poetry, and talking. I am naturally quite wordy and full of ideas and logic, but I've been pulling myself towards being more somatic/heart-based for years. I think I pair well with someone who leads with their emotions, and loves learning. Usually women I work well with are able to bring out my silly side, and have a strong connection to nature. I'm a sucker for bibliophiles, people who love children and animals, a multicultural perspective, and emotional intelligence.
What do I do?
Work
My degrees are in Neuroscience (Caltech undergrad, Berkeley PhD dropout MS). I have worked as an ML Software Engineer, Research Scientist, Concept Prototyping Engineer, and Neurotech Consultant. I'm currently the Neuroscience Team Lead at Forest Neurotech, a nonprofit Focused Research Organization. ( We got called "the most advanced BCI device in the world" recently in the press!) I like working on problems that I think will benefit human health and well-being, especially mental health and addiction. I recently worked on generative AI for Pathology, and published a bunch last year. I am generally pretty stoked about my work, and can slide a bit into workaholism sometimes. It would be nice to tell my co-workers "I've gotta get home to my girl" and leave a little early.😉
Hobbies
I am the type of person who loves learning and can get into just about anything. So, “trying new things” is sort of a hobby of its own. But here are some that have stuck:
Surfing - My favorite form of exercise. I love being near the ocean in general. I love boats. I can scuba and sail. I can show you all the secret beaches up and down the California coast.
Climbing - Not a current focus, but I climbed consistently for about 10 years, and am a lead-certified belayer.
Cooking - I love cooking, and hosting dinners for friends and family. My cooking is Chinese with a pull towards Paleo + random experiments. Not many soups. I'm exploring that more. I love cooking together, and learning each others' styles!
Creativity and Crafts - I love to make things, and it's always different. Jewelry, calligraphy, water colors, costumes, lofts, absinthe, weird light art. I can learn anything from YouTube. I've recently done a little bit of blog-post like writing.
Travel and Adventure - I like experiencing new cultures, and I'm fairly well-traveled. Some new places I'd be excited to go to are Peru, Indonesia, and Turkey. I'm likely to keep going (and supplying Absinthe) to Priceless, a ~1000 person gathering of mostly my friends. I'm not really a festival person, though I was in the past. (Burning Man 4 times.) If you have a favorite festival, I'm well able to accompany and navigate those environments with you, but in general I'm looking forward to more of my vacation time being about (my and my partner's) family, friends, and nature.
Family and Friends
I'm part of a large, close extended family with around 20 cousins. Some live in the area. I am extremely grateful to be part of a large family, full of interesting characters. It is part of why I want to have children--so that I can pass on this experience. To me, partnership (and marriage) is about becoming family to one another, and becoming part of each others' families. Duty to family is important to me. And while I believe in being on my partner's side, I appreciate when my partner has similar values. This value shows up for my partners as well! My past partners' parents have always liked me, even when their relationship was difficult or had a cultural divide. I think I work well with people who experience family (and friendships) as a high priority in their life, whether those relationships are easy or hard.
An aunt, uncle, and cousins (of many!).
Some of my closest friends.
Partnership Big Rocks
I've heard the advice that “in a partnership, you do not commit to any particular principle or goal: you commit to each other”. I generally agree with this advice and I'm ready to commit to someone who shares alignment on the big things. These are roughly in order of priority, but they're all important and things I feel certain about. What are your "big rocks"?
Children
I am very committed to having and raising biological children. I'm 35, and am ready to have kids soon with the right person. I grew up with a sister near my age, I have a large extended family, and I love kids. I want to give my wonderful extended-family experience to the next generation, and I'm looking for someone who also knows they want children.
Monogamy
I don't know about you, but I meet a lot of poly and open-relationship people in the Bay Area. I have some experience with it and it's not for me. I wrote a cultural commentary piece about the nuances here and it went viral. I find it funny that more people have read that piece than anything else I've ever written.
Spirituality
This is a weird one to put here, because I'm not sure to what extent my spirituality has anything to do with my partner. But religion is a common thing people fight about, and it feels like a mistake to not include it. I don't have particular requirements or asks of my partner's spirituality, except to please consider whether you vibe with this section or whether I sound insufferable. You don't have to “get” all of it, but if you really don't like it, well, that saves us both some time.
Spirituality is important to me. And while it's not the point exactly, I also believe that good moral action is the direct result of inner work/practice/healing. I believe that words are just words, and stories are just stories. No story is absolute truth. I was raised with no religion in particular, but these days the religion closest to my heart is a not-very-secular form of Buddhism (Theravada and Vajrayana), and I keep to some ritual from these traditions.
So, what does this mean about life with me? Well,
- I will probably babble about meditation, divinity, and energy sometimes.
- I will probably encourage you towards spiritual exploration.
- If you are either a hardcore Atheist or a hardcore Fundamentalist, we're gonna disagree about some pretty important things.
- I can be your retreat bae!
- I can join you in, and take seriously, your rituals -- whether it's chanting Om, praising Allah, praying to Jesus, or volunteering. (so long as they are open to the uninitiated)
I believe that the most important things in life are truly mysterious, and we must accept that at the end of the day, they cannot be explained. (道可道﹐非常道). But I also believe that it is noble to try.